i'm really thankful for lando. he is the best. i could go on for pages about lando- but i'll just say i'm really lucky to have him. i was "snowed in" at rehearsal monday, tuesday and wednesday. the white christmas cast stayed in i.f for a couple nights because we've had awful weather (we're talking a low of -11 degrees and a high of 4 degrees) and the roads have been really scary. finally last night landon was able to come up and watch dress rehearsal. we had some big plans for thanksgiving break- junk food and movies. the whole "snowed in" thing cramped our style, needless to say we're passing up a turkey dinner with friends for snacks and netflix with just us... and i'm totally okay with that (countdown for christmas break/arizona... 22 days!)

happy thanksgiving all!



why yes, i am wearing a team harry t-shirt to the midnight showing of harry potter! and yes, i have read every book multiple times. and yes, i do go to hogwarts.

twilight < harry potter.



i've had a hatred of cats for a long time. but unlike most people, i have a good reason. you see my little sister- boris- had a cat obsession. boris had a cat named kizzy, every time someone opened the door the cat bolted in and there was a few times she'd sneak in without anyone seeing her. every single time this happened kizzy found me in the middle of the night, seriously anywhere. there were two twin beds our room and i didn't always sleep in the same one, and sometimes i'd sleep in my older sisters room. kizzy always found me. waking up to satan scratching your face off isn't the best way to start a cat relationship. let me also mention the fact that we begged for a dog and somehow we got 3 cats in a row. i blame boris, the baby of the family, who is my *bff so it's cool. well after june died, i was a little pet-depressed and this itty bitty kitten started hanging out on our doorstep. at first i tried not to notice it's cuteness but bit by bit it got me. before i knew it i named her pocket and i look forward to her sitting by door every time i leave and come, not to mention they are way less maintenance than a puppy. i have a confession: i might be a cat person. but i figure it's okay because i'm kind of getting sick of seeing only our faces on this blog (hence the photo below) and i could start using pocket for a stand in. is anyone going to un-friend me for this?

happy almost wednesday!

*along with my other sisteers and momma, of course


i ran 17 miles tonight.

then i laid on the ground and cried for about 15 minutes. and i'm not really sure why, and i can't really say what emotion i was feeling. once the tears subsided i sat very still, scared to move any part of my body, worried i would start to cramp up. i remember talking to a girl in february, when i deciding weather or not to do this nonsense, she told me she'd ran 17 miles that morning. that seemed unreal to me. so 17 miles feels like i'm finally getting somewhere.

4 more weeks. 26 days. breath. i can do this


think, wait

i miss being pregnant, i miss the promise of a baby- our baby. but today was a good day. i finally got me some husband-time. can we count horkleys soda, snl and lando asleep on the couch while i blog as a date? it's the closest we get this week.

this week i'm wishing i was on track next semester to work in the theatre department, mostly so i can work on the doubt set. this week lando's wishing he "didn't come home dirty and tired from work everyday" and wishing he could "wear nice clothes and have a career" it'll come... someday... soon.

we talked about our christmas list and we both only want clothes, cause we're cool. landon reaaaaally needs a new hat.

lan registered for all his classes this week and i found out how much it is to take the praxis... ouch. spending money is painful.

happy sabbath.


i'm almost positive that i'm a 21 year old living in an 80 year old body.

case(s) in point:

in high school i found this nifty little trick... both my hips pop out of joint with a simple movement. after a few trips to the psychical therapist and a lovely meeting with a orthopedic surgeon i found out i grew to fast and my muscles didn't have time to catch up and weren't able to hold my hip bone in. someday surgery, i guess. but for now, landon hears me complain about my aching hips (and now knees thanks to this dang training.)

the past few days i've been having flashes in my left eye. so after dilation and some crazy lookin' pupils i found out i have posterior vitreous detachment. although it probably sounds worse then it is, here is the definition "PVD is a common condition which occurs in about 75% of people over the age of 65..." 65? really? (the only major {and unlikely} concern is it causing a retinal tear or retinal detachment. good thing my dad and brother are optometrists.)

i told lando my theory and he also reminded me of my wardrobe, music choices, sunglasses and "big-ugly-bag-obsession". (his words, not mine.)

so basically- i'm pretty awesome. but maybe i'll pull a benjamin button and start going backwards... it could happen.


and go to work

"true beauty is self acceptance"

tonight i jogged and thought about self acceptance. where the line is between self acceptance and self improvement is drawn. i thought about the point when you say okay to a fault in the hope of accepting. i sometimes struggle with the girl i am, and the girl i want to be. but i don't think that means i'm not beautiful. i think it shows potential.

a few miles later i came to the conclusion that true beauty doesn't come from self-acceptance, but rather from forgetting ourselves.


i guess i'm un-stuck... because i have a race-welcome-packet waiting for me to open and 6 more weeks to run my little heart out. i'm really nervous. i can do this, right?

this summer has been filled with my family, two softball teams, beet greens and cucumbers straight from the garden, rain storms and lots of rides on the golf cart. and as amazing and this summer has been, i have to be honest and say i'm ready for the fall. the fall brings idaho, a tiny house with all our things again, 20 credits of art, crisp air and cool weather and just me, landon and june.

and like i said, i'm ready for it.


hide & seek

i'm stuck.

training for this marathon is the hardest thing i've ever done. physically & mentally. i'm probably the worlds biggest procrastinator & i've got a big time impulsive personality. two traits that haven't been so helpful during this 8 month process. not running once all week, then deciding to bust out 15 miles is no bueno. i've done this for two weeks in a row & ended at 12 miles both times, in tears & with aching knees & hurt feelings. i've got 7 weeks to go & tonight i'm feeling ................... like maybe this is never really going to happen.

i need to sleep on it.