one semester i had decided i would go to the temple every week. one day, sitting in white, waiting for my name to be called, i was reading in doctrine and covenants and read this
"I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God? Therefore, fear not, little flock, do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Look unto me in every thought, doubt not, fear not."
in the moment i realized the emotion that had taken over my heart the past 4 years. fear. so much fear. i've cried to Him countless times with empty and longing arms, with a broken heart and a beaten spirit. i've cried to Him while losing a pregnancy...then another...then another. but suddenly, sitting there, i wondered how could i feel fear when my Heavenly Father had spoken to my heart so many times. He spoke peace. He spoke promise. i said the quietest and loudest prayer i've ever said,
"what should i do?"
i'd thought about this before. always in a fleeting, distant moment, thinking it would never really happen. but goodness! i knew it then. it was written on my heart that day and it's never, ever leaving.
so here comes a whirlwind of finishing school, moving back home, and starting new jobs but we are finally, FINALLY here. our paperwork is in and we are waiting for our certification letter.
then we wait for our baby. our baby!
all of this. every loss, every gain, every day... is leading us to this baby. i feel it. i can almost touch it. i've said this once and i'll say it again- i feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
find us soon, baby. we love you.
this week we went to st. george to see my denhalter grandparents. the denhalters... we visit. we tell all the same stories and laugh and cry and laugh some more. my uncles tell stories about my dad and we all make my grandma recite the 5-word-opera until our stomachs ache from laughing.
a favorite story from this weekend: (one i've heard many times) my grandpa was an orphan adopted by an angel mother when he was 6. she was the first person to show him real love and when he finally recognized it he said to her "you didn't borned me, but we knew each other in heaven."
Today is my 25th birthday. And I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! about this year. This year is going to be about things I can change and taking a break from the things I cannot. It's as simple as that.
I am running a marathon.
I am reading Jesus the Christ cover to cover.
I am playing my piano more.
I am camping with my husband once a month.
I am not cutting my hair.
I am taking guitar lessons.
I am planning a kiiiiiiiiiller summer trip.
I am losing 15 pounds.
I am going to the temple once a week.
I am going to remember birthdays.
I am reading 20 books.
I am telling people I love them when I think it.
I am praying every single morning.
I am volunteering.
I am doing whatever the heck I want.
I am pretty happy about it.
Catch ya on the flip side 24, you've been real.
A photo of me and my husband, since this is my blog after all. I think this photo depicts this moment in our lives. Mostly happy (and really tall.) A little lost in this stage of life. Married for almost 6.5 years, no kids, done with school, working full time, a little house to call our own. I guess lost might be the wrong word, but I just never imagined it'd be the two of us for so long! That is a wonderful and heartbreaking thing, my friends.