hold my hand, i'll walk with you my dear.

This week I got some pretty heartbreaking news about my nephew. Chelsea wrote about it. It's had me all out of sorts since I found out. Here is what I do know, the way Joe and Chelsea handle things constantly amazes me. They are optimistic, hopeful, kind and forgiving and whatever is supposed to happen to this little baby boy they will handle with faith. But, like I told Joe, I have a feeling this little man is a fighter! I love you Denhalter family, I wish I was there to give you all a hug.

Life is going, going for us. We're right in the thick of school and we spend every night doing homework. In different rooms because we've tried the whole "study together" thing and it doesn't work. It pretty much turns into a competition of who can find the funniest you tube video. I always win, by the way. Starting next week we only have 4 weeks of school left. 4 WEEKS!

In the past few weeks a few of our plans have changed. Not really major ones, just plans of timing. Lando was trying to get on fast-grad (a graduation program where you go 3 semesters a year) and we would submit his form, get it sent back, fix the problem, submit the form, get it sent back by the time all was said and done he'd just missed registration and the classes he needed we're filling up quickly. It's funny how sometimes an answer to something comes in the form of that thing just not working out. So for now, we decided that 2 semesters it is. Which also means we'll be in Rexburg 1 semester longer than we planed. Oh well, right. I love our lives as students. I really do. 1 semester longer in the scheme of things won't be so bad and Landon having a little break from school sounds pretty nice, too.

School, school, school. Do I sound like a broken record? Sorry.

Summer came to the burg! Today it's supposed to hit 84 degrees. That means maxi dresses and otter pops from here on out.

Fathers day seemed like a an appropriate time to explain my Father situation... This handsome young man with his arm around my moms waist is my Dad, Paul. My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was 7 and passed away when I was 8. I have vivid memories of him sitting on the end of my bed playing his guitar and singing "Ode to big blue" or a Gordan Lightfoot song while I fell asleep. Of him chasing me around our yard playing tag only to catch and throw me so high in air I was convinced he was the strongest man on earth. Or sitting on his lap on the riding lawn mower. Or sitting in church and he would stop singing the hymn to listen to me sing. Or him surprising me and picking me up from school to take me to "the city" with him for work. These are the memories I hold onto, the ones I play over and over in my head. They are the only ones I have of him. They are the only ones I get. When he baptized me, 8 months before he died, I remember standing in the font and he stopped speaking, I looked up at him with his chemo-bald head and realized he was crying. I remember when his hair started to fall out and my mom (accidentally) shaved his head, he sat outside before church one morning to try to get some sun on his white scalp. I remember the last thing he ever said to me, which is too special to say. I feel like it's my little goodbye that I've only told a few people. I remember sitting around my grandparents kitchen table, saying goodbye to him. I remember the day he died. These are memories I'll never forget, they are bittersweet. I didn't have him growing up, not like I should have. I felt him often but oh, how I would have loved to talk to him as an adult. I would give almost anything right now to talk to him. He was an avid journal writer, and right now I have his journal from his first few years of marriage, I love to read it. I love to understand a bit of who I am in the pages. I miss him every single day. I am so eternally grateful that I know I'll see him again. Happy Fathers day, Dad, I love you.

Side note: Doesn't Joe (my brother) look so much like our Dad? It's crazy.

This cute guy with his arm around my sisters waist is my Pops, Elden. Elden and I both agree that we don't like the term "step-dad" so Pop's it is. Would you like to hear the best story ever? Okay. Elden and my mom were high school sweethearts, she Dear John-ed him for my Dad and he married a beautiful woman named Danelle. Years down the road and a few kids later, we lived in Maryland and moved to Arizona when my Dad passed away. Danelle was diagnosed with MS. Elden took care of her for years. I can't imagine how hard it would be to watch your spouse get so horribly sick. He moved to Arizona and a few years later his wife passed away. Connect the dots and here we are. A crazy, loud, funny blended family, not without our struggles, but we've definitely made it work and there is a lot of love. Really, the situation couldn't be more perfect. Elden is the kindest person I have ever met. Truly. He is the town optometrist and you wouldn't believe the things he'll "trade" for. He is loving and interested and is so good for advice because he'll tell you like it is. He is also the most sarcastic person I've ever met. Truly. Here is a Elden tip for those of you who know him: don't take anything personal, if he likes you, he teases you. If he loves you, he relentlessly teases you. Last August (a healthy) Elden had a stroke. We we're living with them at the time and I was working for him. There was a day or two that things were pretty scary. It was so awful. I realized how much I loved having him in my life. He had filled a void I hadn't realized. As he was laying in the hospital bed I said "Don't you go dieing on me" and he said "Right when you started to like me, huh?" (Typical Elden) Needless to say he is doing great now (and lost 25 pounds! Look at you, hot stuff!) It brings tears to my eyes to think about how happy he has made my Mom. Happy Fathers day, Pops! We love you. (Elden, whose we pale face?)

Side note: Working this summer a patient realized Elden was my Dad and said "You look so much like him!" haha, nice try.


I feel so lucky for the Fathers I have. I missed out on a few things, but gained a lot of things.

...and how could I not give a shout out to my someday baby-daddy?! Love you Landito, can't wait until you can celebrate Fathers day for reals.

i do like you, idaho

The main reason I complain about Idaho is because my family lives too far away. But seriously? Summers in Idaho are the stuff of dreams. 80 degrees, warm and sunny, hiking/camping/climbing/kayaking all within 20 minutes of the burg. Our semester will end in 5 weeks and we'll have a 6 week break. This is our summer list:

Hike Table Mountain. Get to the top of the Paramount climb. Visit the Farmers Market. 2 day hike into Jenny's Lake. West Yellowstone to see all my peeps at Playmill. Kayak the snake river. Canoe the snake river. Golf at Heise. Day trip to Civil Caves. Climbing/camping trip to City of Rocks. Day trip to Mesa Falls.

Bring it on.

old lies

Ugh. I'm one big, huge, giant, humongous ball of negativity today.

Every one of my siblings went to Les Mes this weekend. (besides James, cause he's in Peru spreadin' the word) Les Mes, my most favorite musical ever? Yes, the very one. My family? The group of fly people who can always make me laugh? Yes, the very ones.

A group of my friends had a girls weekend in Salt Lake this weekend, which I missed because I'm (kind of) responsible and work/school/money took the forefront.

I live in Idaho.

And last and most definitely least. My due date was today. The baby we wanted more then anything in the world? Yes, the very one.

So. Negative. Just a little bit. I know, I know, I know "it could be worse" and "think of the starving children in Africa" and "don't be ungrateful" and "count your blessings" and "at least Lando is really good looking" but this is my blog and this is how I feel and I want to complain. So there you have it. I can only go up from here, right? Right. To say I'm very ready for new week would be a huge understatement.

all of my love

Happy 4 years to us! 

We got married in the Snowflake Arizona Temple, we we're the only ones getting married that day and the seats were filled with people we love. They day was warm and sunny and the sky was bright blue. That night we had a party in the yard of a 102 year old brick house that my great-great-great uncle built. We hung lanterns in the trees and put lemons on the tables. We ate cookies and drank bottled soda pop. We we're giddy and goofy all day long and I don't think we ever stopped holding hands. 

Hey Lando, I'm glad we did this marriage thing. I'm your number one fan. 

paramount

Lando found a new place to climb a few weeks ago and on Saturday morning we got up early and headed there. I did the lead climb. Call me crazy, but I love that feeling of being so scared you can hardly breath and so scared your legs are shake, shake, shaking. I hate scary movies, though. More than I hate leftovers, I hate scary movies. I haven't watched one for at least 6 years and I plan on keeping it that way. Jurassic Park scared the crap out of me.