little notes for you.

Yesterday I held the tiniest, prettiest baby girl and my heart broke a little bit. I sat in my car and cried. For myself, for Landon, for loss, and for longing.

I don't really write about this often, though I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's the deepest thing in me, or maybe because I feel so open and exposed. Maybe because it's still sometimes the weirdest to admit that I'm a girl who has fertility problems.

Baby sad is the different kind of sad. My arms ache with emptiness of days, and months, and years we've waited for our baby. I've often imagined the moment I hold that baby in my arms, and all of these days, and months, and years will suddenly be clear and my heart will beat the way it's supposed to.

We miss you, baby. Come hang out soon.