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6.3.14

fear not, little flock

one semester i had decided i would go to the temple every week. one day, sitting in white, waiting for my name to be called, i was reading in doctrine and covenants and read this 

"I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?  Therefore, fear not, little flock, do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Look unto me in every thought, doubt not, fear not." 

in the moment i realized the emotion that had taken over my heart the past 4 years. fear. so much fear.  i've cried to Him countless times with empty and longing arms, with a broken heart and a beaten spirit. i've cried to Him while losing a pregnancy...then another...then another. but suddenly, sitting there, i wondered how could i feel  fear when my Heavenly Father had spoken to my heart so many times. He spoke peace. He spoke promise. i said the quietest and loudest prayer i've ever said, 

"what should i do?"

adopt.

i'd thought about this before. always in a fleeting, distant moment, thinking it would never really happen. but goodness! i knew it then. it was written on my heart that day and it's never, ever leaving. 

so here comes a whirlwind of finishing school, moving back home, and starting new jobs but we are finally, FINALLY here. our paperwork is in and we are waiting for our certification letter. 

then we wait for our baby. our baby! 

all of this. every loss, every gain, every day... is leading us to this baby. i feel it. i can almost touch it. i've said this once and i'll say it again- i feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

find us soon, baby. we love you. 

8 comments:

mad white woman said...

i love that scripture. i love you. and i love your unborn baby that is waiting just for you. :)

Brittany said...

Oh gosh, Kate. That scripture. I haven't read it in a long time, but it probably should be the theme of my life. Thanks for reminding me. And I'm so excited for you and this adoption adventure. Your baby (your baby!) will be the luckiest baby because you're just one of the greatest women I've ever known. He or she is already yours, and I can't wait for you to meet. So happy for you, friend.

ashley mikell said...

This is such a beautiful post. I am praying for you and hoping for the best.

Cambra Gordon said...

All I can say is I love this. I Love this. I Love this! What a charmed life we live :)

Anonymous said...

You don't know me. I stop by often hoping for an update. Your writing rings home with me as we seem to struggle with many of the same issues. I appreciate your honesty and i'm very happy for the journey that awaits your family. Thank-you for this post.

Jules said...

We love you, Kate

Laraine Eddington said...

This is the scripture that caused our marriage to happen. It is powerful. We are so excited for your world to change again.

Emily said...

Beautiful and exciting! Can't wait to see how your story unfolds.