one semester i had decided i would go to the temple every week. one day, sitting in white, waiting for my name to be called, i was reading in doctrine and covenants and read this
"I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God? Therefore, fear not, little flock, do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Look unto me in every thought, doubt not, fear not."
in the moment i realized the emotion that had taken over my heart the past 4 years. fear. so much fear. i've cried to Him countless times with empty and longing arms, with a broken heart and a beaten spirit. i've cried to Him while losing a pregnancy...then another...then another. but suddenly, sitting there, i wondered how could i feel fear when my Heavenly Father had spoken to my heart so many times. He spoke peace. He spoke promise. i said the quietest and loudest prayer i've ever said,
"what should i do?"
i'd thought about this before. always in a fleeting, distant moment, thinking it would never really happen. but goodness! i knew it then. it was written on my heart that day and it's never, ever leaving.
so here comes a whirlwind of finishing school, moving back home, and starting new jobs but we are finally, FINALLY here. our paperwork is in and we are waiting for our certification letter.
then we wait for our baby. our baby!
all of this. every loss, every gain, every day... is leading us to this baby. i feel it. i can almost touch it. i've said this once and i'll say it again- i feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
find us soon, baby. we love you.