It's really not my personality to keep much to myself. I've never been that way. I tell the happy and the sad. There are a few precious things that I keep close, but I like to tell. I've always liked to hear the happy and the sad too. I am thrilled when someone tells me they are pregnant the day they find out! And regretful when someone tells me of a particularly hard time in their lives and they never could share it with me in the hard moment. I know that is just how some people process, but I feel twinges of guilt wondering if I could have been more aware, could have listened more, could have called them randomly when they needed it. I'm a sharer. A talker. A asker. A psychology major, obviously.
So, let me share with you what 2012 is going to be. The year of the baby... or at least the year of getting closer to one. I got pregnant 15 months ago, after 2 years of trying, I miscarried 13 months ago. I left the Doctors office with a "if your not pregnant in the next few months, let's set an appointment" The few months went by uneventfully and there was always something holding me back from calling. Conversations with Landon, phone calls with my sisters, FB chats with my cousin, always left me feeling like I was ready to call! Ready to set up the appointment! But every time the phone was in my hand or every time I was on hold I couldn't do it. "I am so young" "I'm not done with school" "There isn't anything wrong" were all things that made me hang up the phone. I know it sound so silly, especially now. Then one day I was ready. Then that day became consultations, appointments, and tests. And now here we are, a little bit closer at least. I'm starting clomid next month. Which seems about the most simple infertility treatment, kind of a first step. I am crossing my fingers and toes that it works but I am also prepared to keep moving forward if it doesn't. I am just ready for a baby, specifically with the funny guy who sitting in the room next to me listening to Nirvana.
Lets do this. Can I put in an order for twins somewhere?