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13.12.11

standing in line

It's really not my personality to keep much to myself. I've never been that way. I tell the happy and the sad. There are a few precious things that I keep close, but I like to tell. I've always liked to hear the happy and the sad too. I am thrilled when someone tells me they are pregnant the day they find out! And regretful when someone tells me of a particularly hard time in their lives and they never could share it with me in the hard moment. I know that is just how some people process, but I feel twinges of guilt wondering if I could have been more aware, could have listened more, could have called them randomly when they needed it. I'm a sharer. A talker. A asker. A psychology major, obviously.

So, let me share with you what 2012 is going to be. The year of the baby... or at least the year of getting closer to one. I got pregnant 15 months ago, after 2 years of trying, I miscarried 13 months ago. I left the Doctors office with a "if your not pregnant in the next few months, let's set an appointment" The few months went by uneventfully and there was always something holding me back from calling. Conversations with Landon, phone calls with my sisters, FB chats with my cousin, always left me feeling like I was ready to call! Ready to set up the appointment! But every time the phone was in my hand or every time I was on hold I couldn't do it. "I am so young" "I'm not done with school" "There isn't anything wrong" were all things that made me hang up the phone. I know it sound so silly, especially now. Then one day I was ready. Then that day became consultations, appointments, and tests. And now here we are, a little bit closer at least. I'm starting clomid next month. Which seems about the most simple infertility treatment, kind of a first step. I am crossing my fingers and toes that it works but I am also prepared to keep moving forward if it doesn't. I am just ready for a baby, specifically with the funny guy who sitting in the room next to me listening to Nirvana. 

Lets do this. Can I put in an order for twins somewhere?

35 comments:

robin said...

i am sending you good uterus vibes!

this is your year...it will be amazing and i am excited for you!

Jules said...

Oh Kate! You and your future little guy or gal are in my prayers!

word verification: "cherri" . . . so it's gonna be a girl, amirite?

brandilyn said...

YAYY TWINS! i think twins. i think baby. i think 2012 is the lines' year!

Jenny B said...

Oh I can't wait for you! Try to make it a baby girl... girls are the best.

Ash said...

Yay for the next step! I've heard good things about clomid!

I will include you in my prayers! And I've nannied twins. It's...interesting.

tara said...

yes yes yes!!! girl i am so stoked for you!! you better be keeping me updated neighbor of mine that i never see. hah. let's keep trying to change that. :)

Kathryn said...

Hey, I wanted to name one of my babies Mara after my miracle drug Femara.

Whoo hoo for the fertility medicine path and babies.

We must have put an order in for twins without knowing. Maybe you did too.

Brittany said...

2012 will be your year, i can feel it! i'm not super big on sharing, but i love listening to other people's stories. i'm with you on that.

Traci Butler said...

Oh I'm glad Landon get's to be the daddy :) You could totally do twins. Little jed and jack :) It's about time you get to put some of those baby names to use gosh dang it.

I am totally a spill the beans kinda gal. I'm glad you are too.

(feel free to delete my comment if your names are top secret)

hkfarnsworth said...

Thank you for sharing. I can definitely relate. only you have been trying a lot longer but after a whole year of never seeing a doctor and never being pregnant i fought with myself too. I finally saw a doctor. getting a little closer one step at a time. good luck girl. Love you.

Collin said...

I'm cheering and praying for you! You will make the greatest mom and what better year than 2012?!

Collin said...

Good grief, that was from Ashlee, not Collin. :)

angela hardison said...

thanks for sharing, kate. thinking positive thoughts and sending prayers your way! it's going to happen soon i just know it. hooray for 2012 and babies.

p.s. yes you can request more house photos + baby bump photos... i tried for 20 minutes yesterday to take a bump photo but the truth is i am SO not cute these days and no clothes fit me. i'll try again though :)

Brittany said...

Kate, I really just adore you (even though I barely know you). I love how honest you are. Huzzah for 2012 and a new step towards a baby. I'm sending all my hopes and best prayers to you and your man!

Ezra, Kian & Eden said...

Fingers crossed.
Wishes set to go off every day.
Prayers always.

Mandy said...

Yay Kate! I think oversharers are the best sort and your twins will have a very cool mom :)I have so much hope for you!

communikate. said...

i'm a huge oversharer too. in fact, i have a hard time when people don't want to disclose all their little bits of thoughts, stories, and truth with me when i first meet them.

twins.

i've always wanted them.

it's a like a "twofer." (as in two for one baby!)

sending good baby juju your way. i have such good thoughts about 2012.i think it's going to be an amazing year for lots of people. you included.

carla thorup said...

lines kids = cool kids. can't wait for them to join your party! (whether they come in sets of 2 or not!) my bff went to the doc and got put on clomid and just recently had success, so hopefully you will too! these babies come when they want too, and i just have good feelings about 2012. sending all sorts of positive feelings & love your way. especially from EZ.

Chelsea said...

sooo hoping for it to work! I'm so happy you are taking the next step. I remember that adrenaline/excited feeling when I picked up my first round of clomid. Keep me in the loop please! I'll be texting you. And amen on the twins.

abby said...

i am probably one of those people who doesn't share enough. but i LOVE when other people share and i am thrilled/excited/hopeful for you! and ok, i will share one thing: i am scared to try again. so thanks for sharing and giving me hope.

Jeremy,Jennie said...

You're amazing Kate. I am SO excited for you you don't even know!!!! That will be one lucky little babe to get you guys as parents.

Jeremy,Jennie said...

P.S. When you guys finish school there's an engineering plant (i think that's what it's called?) here that you should probably tell Landon to check into.....you know you've always wanted to live in TX ;)

whitney johnson said...

Kate, I hope the best for you two and best of luck in 2012! I could tell my own story about all this, but I won't do it here in the comments section....i just know how hard it can be to have to wait with no guarantee of anything, month after month/year after year. Hope you have success with the Clomid! :)

Danielle Christene said...

So excited for you! Praying that it works. Hope it is a good year for you both. Thinking of you always. Miss you tons!

Liz-a-nator said...

Your example of bravery is beautiful to me. We're praying for you guys!

chelse said...

That's so exciting. I will keep my little fingers crossed for you!

Liz said...

I would love nothing more than for you and Landon to make beautiful babies!! I am sending all my love and good vibes your way!!! <3

mindy said...

Aww Kate! Hope the clomid does the job! My family is no fertile mertil so I understand! Love u lots!!! Prayers ur way!

DeWitts said...

I hope it works. I tried clomid for about a year. It was almost december and my doc told me lets stop and let your body relax and so thats what i did and guess what? Brewer decided that was his month to come. The wait and struggle was so worth it.

love ya!

lauren said...

thinking all the happy thoughts i've got for you! really.
and i'm hoping that order for twins gets filled.
either way, i can't wait to see the beautiful little one you two will make.

The Webbs said...

I'm glad we both are over sharers and love to chat about all of it!!!! You two will be the best parents and have the cutest littles ever. Can't wait to meet baby(babies) lines when they come. Love ya Kate-toes are crossed too :)

Saije said...

Yay! This is so good & I'm so happy you tell these things! =) Sometimes I hate my overly-not-sharing-info ways ha.

Come on baby lines!!!!

Kelli said...

I love sharing people! Cuz I'm one so its nice to hear other people's life. P.S. I love the texts I get from you, they always make my day. I'm gonna call. We need to talk. Best wishes and good vibes!

chelsea :: stock said...

we've never met, and for thirteen months I have been praying for you guys. especially when I found out I was pregnant. and it was a boy. and when he arrived. I have been thinking of you and a few other friends often this year.


I will now modify those prayers for twinners. a boy and a girl, because that is just too fun :)

Valerie said...

It's funny, I'm just the opposite. I play all my information close to the vest. There are drawbacks to that, but it's always felt safer to me.

2012 feels like an auspicious year.