until i can't

this semester i'll be at school 4 days a week, taking 20 credits, rehearsing 3-4 evenings a week (crossing my fingers, still!) working a few hours here and there, trying to keep lan from sneaking another dog into this family (i'm done, so done) and trying to keep my laundry from rearing it's ugly head.

so if you don't hear from me, or if my hair looks like this for the next 4 months. don't panic.

i feel sort of crazy but i am so heartbroken about june. 2 for 2 really gets me. i took her leash out of the car today and burst into tears. maybe i'm extra emotional (okay, i'm for sure extra emotional) but i'm bummed...and kind of bitter about this whole thing.



i can hardly even really believe this, even as i'm typing it. we had to put june down today. man oh man. it was a sad day around here. poor little june. the vet we took her to was so awesome though, he came in after hours, talked us through everything and didn't say anything when i used almost a whole box of his tissues.
i just cant believe this has happened twice in 6 months. the only sense i can make of it is we are either really, really unlucky or someone is trying to tell us we aren't supposed to have a dog.
well, i can honestly say you wont be seeing anymore puppy faces around here for a while... this is not fun to deal with.june was such a good pup. her absolute favorite thing to do was swim and she was usually covered in mud from playing in puddles. she was so hyper around lando and so calm with me. lando would fish while i read a book and she's spend a few minutes in the water with him, then come chill by me on shore and take a little nap. she definitely had a little attitude and made the funniest noise when she was frustrated! we really liked that dog.thanks in advance for being so nice, everyone. and for not making fun of me for being so attached to our dog(s).


i liked my hair today and it took maybe 4 minutes. score.

the world will never be the same

lando makes fun of me for the way i talk to june and i always thought he was joking... until i saw this picture^ and yes, i am that white.

i thought i was ready for autumn to arrive, but these last few days of summer have had me wishing these weren't the last few days of summer. we've hiked, picked huckleberries until our hands turned purple, taught june how to fetch while jumping off the dock, explored this little farming community they call plano and stayed up late every night watching one marathon or another. the fact that school starts this week, cold weather is coming and my marathon is in two weeks (!) has simply been put in the back of my mind.

happy last few months of summer, arizon-ians!
happy last few days of summer, everyone else!


top of utah!

it's over. it's over! and i have about a hundred emotions about it.

i got up early, said a prayer and braided my hair. i rode a bus for a half an hour listening to people around me talk about past marathons, record times and the pain. i sat in the cold in the bottom of a canyon for a few minutes thinking about what i was about to do and wondering if i could really do it.
mile 1 was amazing! i was in the most beautiful canyon with hundreds of other runners all as excited as i was. i listened to loud music and ran faster then i should have.
miles 2-13 were.... good... calm. it was cool and crisp and the mile markers seemed to be showing up faster then i expected.
mile 14 was the first time spectators were there and i was so happy to see lan. (ty and ali came, too! they are so awesome) half way done!
miles 15-17 started to drag. i was out of the canyon and winding through neighborhoods. reminding myself i had 11 miles left, 10 miles left, 9 miles left. my legs were starting to get heavy.
mile 18 came and i had a random burst of energy. i'm pretty sure mile 18 and 19 were my fastest.
miles 20-23 came and i felt okay, just barely okay. i knew it was almost done but my legs felt like they were 200 pounds each.
miles 23-26 were brutal. painful. emotional. awful. the miles draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaged on. i just wanted to be done. i cried. then tried to focus on running. then cried again. then prayed for a down hill. then cried again.
what felt like hours later i saw the finish line and ran as fast as i possibly could. which wasn't very fast at all.
and i was done!
i am really proud of myself. it was hard and i had to push myself further then i ever have before and i'm so glad i did it. thanks everyone for the calls, texts and comments, it helped.
"i feel like someone picked me up and threw me 20 feet or like i just got hit by a car" is the best explanation of how i feel today.
 ^mile 14. the only reason i was laughing was because of my cheering team and...
 ^this awesome sign.
 ^mile 26! so close.
 ^done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done!
 ^ landon found my shuffle-walk quite funny. obviously, i did not
^left: so happy to be done. right: the shuffle walk again.


i'm probably going to talk about jogging...

 ... but i'll show you some pretty photos too. ^this is ty and allison, the best couple friends ever! they have good tatse in food and music and ty knows all the cool places in idaho. like how to sneak into teton park, for instance.

tonight i jogged 10 miles. i'm 4 days from the marathon. i loved my music, then hated my music. i was near death on mile 4 and bookin' it by mile 8. i listened to harry potter as i ran past wheat and potato fields. i wished farmers used fences as i kicked mean barking dogs away from me. all the while punching my fear-of-never-finishing-what-i-start in the kisser. because i will, heaven help me, finish this race.

and that my friends, is a bear.


white walls and white bedding make me feel content, while bright blue walls and high skirting baseboards make me feel organized. but a simple misplacement of an old red desk and running out of hangers make me suddenly feel *chaotic again. i put a lot of stock into the place i call home. good thing this time it comes with a view.

*you know what else makes me feel chaotic? a really bad student id photo or mugshot or photo, mostly because it makes you realize your "natural" hair is like... 7 different colors.